Waiting

I consider myself a patient person. One of the most patient people there are around.
Yet, I am finding myself rather anxious and inpatient this past week. I am waiting to see if I get a job offer. I interviewed at two local hospitals. I really want the one jon, am practically overqualified for it but I would be really happy there. I emailed the HR woman there to see when the last interview was being held. I am pretty sure they wanted to get a decision in by the end of this week. I am going to be crushed if I don't get it. Then there is the other job in my field. Oh, if offered I would take it and enjoy it - but what if I don't get niether. That is just going to suck, suck, suck.

I am meeting a boy off Friendster tonight-7:30 at Downtown Crossing. We talked last night on the phone for awhile and it was good - he had me laughing.

hello

Well folks it’s been some time since I have been here are posted. I have been doing a lot of thinking (pondering) there are two things in life which people should experience being stuck in an airport over night by oneself (I can check that one off my list), and having your wallet stolen (this just happened to me on Monday), okay maybe three having your car towed and being pissed off about it even though you knew you parked where you should have.

Anyway I had a job interview in Hartford, CT this week – thought it went well! I am not sure I am ready to move on from Boston though even though I really want a job in child life. So let’s see if I get a job offer.

Anyway, Kristy (happy last day at her internship to her) took me out with her boyfriend and his interesting friends to a (dive) bar in Jamaica Plain last Saturday night. Karaoke on Saturday night. I was not drinking so I wasn’t drunk to do any songs. It was an interesting night. Anyway, I have been thinking okay more so feeling. I am lonely. I need sex. Oh my, I need a hook up. Damn it, I am 28 yrs old if I want to get some I should. I guess I’ve come to realize my needs are more prevalent now when I am checking out every guy and wondering what it would be like to have sex with him and then I check out his hands and shoes because ladies who are we kidding size does matter. Too large – oh no, too small ughhh. Size plus skill = a banging good time! LOL Anyway, I don’t know if my readers recall “The Subway Man” (I promised my co-worker Michael I would not call him the subway man because it reminds him over the guy who lost all the weight eating subway…whose name is eluding me right now)…. I have been seeing him on the subway more again all of a sudden. Still the same reading a book. He is so handsome. We were on the same packed train this evening coming home, what fantasies I was having …hmmm hands and feet are in check. I am just as horny as all lately. I am going to look nice just in case I see him tomorrow on the T – and I am going to say Hi or reading anything good and want to come back to my place and -----? Kidding..god I would never say that at least in a sober state. Yes, I am craving intimacy but still want to get involved in a relationship. So, is it wrong to sleep with someone on the first date? I guess wrong is the wrong word but does sleeping with someone on the first date damper the chances of a relationship? What are the theories out there you folks have, will a guy respect me? I can’t use any examples from my past because all the guys okay not all were not Grade A top of the quality. You know how Hanes underwear or is it fruit of a loom have those inspectors to check the quality of the product; I should have some one inspect my dates. But they wouldn’t work much and might get bored. So, I am rambling that is what happens when I am bored and lonely. Anyhow wish me luck with “the Subway Man”!

There is always a little more toothpaste in the tube.

Reading this great book, I'm a Strabger Here Myself!! Love it!

I have been MIA but this morning my mind was full of thoughts to write about. First of all, every morning I notice this particular girl on the subway. (*girl used because she has got to be younger then me). Anyway, I want to slap her, do something to here, etc. She has everything in place, never sits, never SMILES, always listens to her ipods, and always has on her dark black DIOR sunglasses. I have never seen her take them off - yes even underground. She never wears her hair down. It's pulled back in a professional lookin gpony tail with her curls showing thorough in place. HEr nails are manicured and my bet is her toes are also. Her makeup is flawelss what is not covered by the DIOR sunglasses which take up a good portion of her face. I can't nail what bothers me most about her, her never wrinkled clothes, her ipod, but frankly it's the fact that she NEVER smiles. What a horrible life that is, that you can't smile at a stranger once in awhile or smile back when someone smiles at you. She must roll her eyes under those sun glasses. As for me, nothing is in place in the morning. I have my huge bag I gently dig through to find what ever book I am reading on the T, or project I am knitting. I never match coats, to purses, to shoes, to socks, shit my clothes are wrinkle and damn it I wear pants two days in a row occasionally! My hair is usually washed a few times a week but always thrown up in sometype of weird pony or clip with pieces all over the place - looks like i just rolled out of bed. Sunglasses - haven't gotten any yet for the spring, nails, I cut my down, and smiles - I have plenty of those to give!!

Yesterday, I went to buy a bunch of tulips - I thought the sign said 5.99 but it was two bunches for 15.99. Did I miss when they starting growing tulips in soy with gold and diamonds that 2 small bunches cost $15.99. Shit, growing up we could by multiple packs of seeds for about 20 cents a pack. A dollar would yield tons of tulips. It was always the best when the seed catalog would come and page after page there were flowers, beautiful ones, ones with names I can't pronounce even to this day, and ones I never heard of. I am longing for that simple life in farm country with a small greenhouse, flowers, whiskers (my old dog) in the backyard, and life was simple and I had the energy of a child. BOy, do I miss that.

What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it's all about?

Some lyrics from different songs I am listening to:

We are living in a material world and I am a material girl.

I don’t want be your other half, I believe that 1 and 1 is 2.

I won’t dance why should I? I know that music leads the way to romance. So, if you hold me in your arms I won’t dance.

All I am asking for is one little chance?

All that I need now is someone with the brains and a now how.

What ever happened to a boyfriend? The kind of guy that makes love because he’s in it. I want a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend. ……I didn’t think this would happen again with out with my best intentions. I want a boyfriend. I want all the secret oceans. I can’t feel it in my bones, I am going to spend another year alone, fuck and run…fuck and run…you almost felt bad, you said that I should call you up but I knew much better then that. I almost immediately I felt – I didn’t think this would happen again….fuck and run

Love is the size of this hospital room.

Meeting the man of his dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife.

I was talking two days ago to a certain bartender I am lucky to know. And I asked Henry if I should bother dating unfamous men. And Henry said, you’re lucky to even know, you’re lucky to be alive, ….do you want to be a polyester bride, do you want to hang your head and die…..

It is SPRING TIME finally here in Boston and all over the east coast – thank goodness. Although the sun is out more, the birds are chirping, more people are out and about on the streets of the city (especially tourists) – I still can’t help but feel some what sad. Why? Number 1: I am out of shape and overweight.. Number 2: I am missing my ex-Larry. Last year, we had a great spring and summer taking in the sights and sounds of Boston. This year I am meeting men off match.com and having people set me up. I met a guy today off match.com at Starbucks – he was nice, I liked him but guess he didn’t like me. He didn’t ask me out again – it was kind of weird leaving. Who knows maybe he will email me. But remember when I met the guy from Match at the Trident he mailed me right when I got home and said he would love to get to know me better and then he dropped off the face of the earth. Go figure- now the people who I baby-sit for (who I admire immensely as people, parents and friends) are setting me up with the guy who lives above them who is going through a separation – so what if he is bald. I have a thing for bald guys _

Monday morning - Vagina's?

Good Morning,

I had a busy weekend. I also was able to get the library. Some interesting books, I just completed a book by Martha Beck - Expecting Adam. Two thunbs up, read about it here. It's one of those books that you won't want to put down. I also am listening to while knitting, A Mind at a Time...ah my quest to learn about childhood learning...I am only on Disk 2 out of 15 though. So far, it's okay - basic info that I already know. What I like the idea of focusing on strengths instead of weakness and in doing so strengthing those weaknesses. Check it out here. And then the last book I took out this weekend was Vagina's: An's Owner's Manual- why you ask? nothing better to read in the Brookline PUblic Library system? Ah, it was on the shelf and I figure since I am a 28 yr old sexually active woman (ok, not that active and I still can't believe I am 28 what happened to when I was 21) any way....this book is hilarous. Ladies check it out...and men...HERE

A few weeks maybe longer..I posted something about homeschooling. And admittedly if I have children I don't want them in preschool full time. Maybe a 1/2 or two a week. I started reading a book a few weeks ago that I purchased called, Home Alone In America: The Hidden Toll of Day Care, Wonder Drugs, and Parent Substitiutes. I can agree on some of it but only made it through the first chapter so far. Yes, I don't want my kids in day care, taking drugs for ADD, etc. and having to be bought up by my mother or day care. I am very strong about my views...but this author just isn't one of my favorites.

I am Back!

Hi folks!
Sorry I have not been keeping my blog update, just have been crazy busy at my job.
Things here in Boston are good and the tourists are starting to arrive now that the tempatures are slowly getting warmer. Buff and Munchkin (my cats) see pics below somewhere (LOL) went to the Vet, Buff has a new heart mumur and both cats are exceptionally overweight. She put them on a strict diet. Only 1/4 cup per cat in the morning and the same at night. They are dealing the best they can with it, I gave them both a special treat last night. The vet wants me to bruch their teeth daily because they have tartar,etc. Ok, I am a sucker a purchased the stuff but they won't upon their mouths for me, even if it is for the tuna flavored toothpaste.

My dating life: ended last Friday. Period.

Match.com = no one I can find remotely attractive after last Friday

I had DBT group on Monday and wanted to yell at this one girl, every week all she does is say how she doesn't want to be there. Then don't come ..please. That's simple enough. I work way too hard at my own recovery to be bothered with her negative views about the people in the group, etc. Then I told my psych. I want off my anti-depressants...he doesn't advise it since after a major depressive episode until you have taken meds for 6-12 months. I am only at 4. I was struck by the label 'major depressive episode'...who me? I knew I was in a down place but really I didn't know that is what is was, how come no one told me that! LOL


New knitting project: a baby sweater

I am Back!

Hi folks!
Sorry I have not been keeping my blog update, just have been crazy busy at my job.
Things here in Boston are good and the tourists are starting to arrive now that the tempatures are slowly getting warmer. Buff and Munchkin (my cats) see pics below somewhere (LOL) went to the Vet, Buff has a new heart mumur and both cats are exceptionally overweight. She put them on a strict diet. Only 1/4 cup per cat in the morning and the same at night. They are dealing the best they can with it, I gave them both a special treat last night. The vet wants me to bruch their teeth daily because they have tartar,etc. Ok, I am a sucker a purchased the stuff but they won't upon their mouths for me, even if it is for the tuna flavored toothpaste.

My dating life: ended last Friday. Period.

Match.com = no one I can find remotely attractive after last Friday

I had DBT group on Monday and wanted to yell at this one girl, every week all she does is say how she doesn't want to be there. Then don't come ..please. That's simple enough. I work way too hard at my own recovery to be bothered with her negative views about the people in the group, etc. Then I told my psych. I want off my anti-depressants...he doesn't advise it since after a major depressive episode until you have taken meds for 6-12 months. I am only at 4. I was struck by the label 'major depressive episode'...who me? I knew I was in a down place but really I didn't know that is what is was, how come no one told me that! LOL


New knitting project: a baby sweater

Easter Sunday

Well after some thinking I don't think I will write about the last guy I was waiting. Quite funny how it ended...not really but why focus on it. At least, it helped me get over my ex more. So since I am not dating this fellow anymore I had no plans on Sat and Sunday. I ended up at the bookstore on Sunday doing some research on mindfulness. Mindfulness is originall a buddhist idea but now it is being used in many things and ways to help people. Books on mindfulness at Borders is in the Psychology self-help section alphabetical by author. I went over and found the book I was looking for and starting browsing...on the shelf above it was a book called How to Marry a Mega-millionaire. I have no desire to live that lifestyle what the book lured me in. I had to see what these three authors had to say. I open to a random pacge in the book, and the first bolded section on the left hand side said. Megamillionaires want the tall skinny model like women ..sorry folks if your over 150 you are out of the running better be closer to 120. OKay, that was enough of the book for me and I couldn't tell whether to take this book seriously or if it was written as a joke but since it was in the self help section I came to the conculsion it was seriously written.